Many of us experience life changing events. My was twofold: unemployment and my father incurring a life ending illness. Either of these situations could be devastating and down trodden. Yet somehow, with the grace of God, I was able to combine these events into a life changing rewarding event. My father's illness has had a significant impact on my life while unemployed. But I lived, really lived! And while my trek is not over, here's how I got where I am today.
"Have you seen the Planter's Peanut Man recently in downtown Springfield?" This is one of the last things my father asked me when he was passing from consciousness to a comatose state just three days before his death. I told I had not, and neither had he since the 1940's when he lived and attended high school in Springfield, Ohio. Though I had to tell him no, I thought about the question frequently after his death. And today I often see the Planter's Peanut Man in my dreams and meditations. I only hope now that my Father, God bless his soul in heaven, sees him too.
When my father died a few short months ago, I felt a closeness to him I had not experienced anytime during my entire life. His illness was the impetuous for me to change. Today, I am a much more caring, empathetic, wiser, mature and blessed individual. Upon graduation from Law School in 1981, I left my home town. Ultimately, I resided over 500 miles from my parents. While we communicated regularly and saw each other occasionally (a couple of times a year at least), it was like the lyrics from the Harry Chapin song the Cat's in the Cradle, I'd love to Dad if I could find the time/You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu/But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad.
My father's diagnosis was received at about the same time I became unemployed. We found out my father had Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease as it is more commonly known) about 2 weeks before I left the workforce. ALS is an untreatable, incurable disease that progressively worsens until death. As the muscles died, we knew that my father would eventually lose control and use of most of the muscles in his body and if he survived, ultimately become bedridden.
After the initial shock of the diagnosis, the knowledge of his disease and the progression it would take, brought many hours of soul searching for me. From the start, my father expressed the desire to die at home. Further, my parents did not have sufficient insurance for a nursing home (Medicare does not cover nursing home care for terminally ill patients). Further, my family did not have their own financial resources to provide such care.
With this all in mind, I made a decision to take time away from my career and to serve, along with my mother, as my father's primary caretaker. Since I lived over 550 miles from my parents and I did not want to move, I decided to divide my time between Ohio and New Jersey. Thus began the long trek of caring for my father from diagnosis to death. This is how I lived, really lived, during my unemployment.
Part of the reason for not relocating back to Ohio was that I had two daughters in school at colleges in New York City. I had to be cognizant of the impact of being unemployed, being away a lot, and being a caretaker would have on them. Ultimately, it became clear the risk was worth it since my daughters saw a "new" Dad and I think liked what they saw. They too are more mature, more empathetic individuals. They values have been enhanced by what we all experienced together.
Day to day it was often difficult. As the disease progressed my Father needed more frequent care. Eventually it turned into round the clock care. My parents' living room became a hospital room. While there was anguish, through it all I felt blessed. Not only blessed because of the opportunity to care for my Father, but for the opportunity to reconnect with him. And as he wished, he got to die at home with his family surrounding him. I feel so blessed that we could grant him this wish.
Shortly after his passing, I began my trek seeking a new job. Months later, I am still searching. I am experiencing the same frustrations as others in this tough job market. Generally, there are more unemployed job seekers than there are jobs available. The process is evolved since I last sought a job from a manual one to a highly technical process. Internet job boards, internet networking, internet job applications, etc., are now standard. Finding a new job is a full time and a part time job combined; hours upon hours are required.
And my situation is often my complicated because I have to explain the window of time when I was caring for my Father. Many don't understand or appreciate it. But I stand tall and proud. I tell them it was the hardest work I have ever had. Hard work, yes! But it was very rewarding period in my life and I am a better person because of it. I wouldn't have done it any differently. And I will get a job eventually, and I believe I will be a better employee as a result of my living as I did during my unemployment period. I realize this each time I see the Planter's Peanut Man.
